Since returning to Canada I have been searching for work in
my desired field – community organizing, volunteer management and research for
nonpartisan grassroots nonprofits. After six months of countless applications
and never-ending rejection my money was running out and I decided to take a job
through a temp agency.
I am working on an assembly line in an electronics factory. The
people are nice, the work is easy and the factory is the cleanest one I have
ever worked in. I have absolutely no responsibility beyond doing my job right
and being on time and I don’t take the work home with me, except for my carpal
tunnel and tendonitis acting up. It is really nice to be working again and
better to have the numbers in my bank account go up instead of down. But, I am
lacking a certain sense of purpose in my life.
The time I spend at work gives me a lot of time to think
about my future and my plans, and I often feel that I am going in circles. As
much as I miss Guatemala and working for LWH, that portion of my life is a
closed chapter (sad face). I have decided that I should stay in North America (I
need the wages to clear my debt and the ease of travel to return home when
desired) but really feel like I need to get out of Southern Ontario. I am seriously
considering making my way out west once I have sufficient money in the bank
for a comfortable existence for Whiskey (my dog) and myself for a few months.
While that sounds well and good in my head, I am unsure what
type of work I am looking for now. Government and private sector work has been
ruled out for the last few years based on principle, and given my last eight months of nonprofit career hunting I have become disenchanted with the idea of searching
for work with nonprofits. I am uninterested in planting trees, like the idea of
seasonal farm work, but would really prefer something more stable and with some
margin of responsibility and agency over my work.
I am still highly interested in helping to build a world free of poverty and oppression, but am at an impasse about how to do it while taking care of my financial obligations and without compromising my principles more than I already have. If I had any sort of capital I would really like to start my
own organization, and if I were more dedicated I would finish the book I’ve
been writing and try to get published. Honestly, what I really want to do is
find a piece of land and subsist off it and not get one of those job things…though
that feels like a pipe dream.
I was cynical about my life/work options before I went to
Guatemala and was increasingly fed up with the ‘civilized’ world and am finding
that anger within myself again. Now I feel too frustrated to keep up the
good fight and just want to disassociate myself from it all.
To end on a happier note, here's a pic of Whiskey...she keeps me sane. I've just realized that I've had her for over a year. Time flies.