I was part of something in Guatemala that was revolutionary. Long Way Home is something I was ready to dedicate everything I had to. I dismissed any thought that my life could be led with the same purpose and passion anywhere else.
I had tried it before, and at every turn I grew more angry - school, job searches, activist circles, society, government...it all frustrated me beyond belief. It felt like ramming myself into a brick wall that never gave any sign of weakness or anyway over or around. It pissed me off that barely anyone saw the same wall in front of them doing just as much damage to them as it did to me.
In Guatemala, I had found my home away from home, an adopted family that loved me just as much as I did them and work that made me proud. I was part of something that was making a tangible difference and offered a real solution to the things I care about the most - anti-poverty, indigenous rights, environmentalism.
I was happy for, I think, the first time in my adult life. My life was an adventure - everyday, I learned something new. I was privileged to introduce international tourists/travelers/volunteers to a people, place and way of life that takes little for granted. It was an incredibly refreshing experience after coming from the wasteful and disconnected society here at home.
I had tried it before, and at every turn I grew more angry - school, job searches, activist circles, society, government...it all frustrated me beyond belief. It felt like ramming myself into a brick wall that never gave any sign of weakness or anyway over or around. It pissed me off that barely anyone saw the same wall in front of them doing just as much damage to them as it did to me.
In Guatemala, I had found my home away from home, an adopted family that loved me just as much as I did them and work that made me proud. I was part of something that was making a tangible difference and offered a real solution to the things I care about the most - anti-poverty, indigenous rights, environmentalism.
I was happy for, I think, the first time in my adult life. My life was an adventure - everyday, I learned something new. I was privileged to introduce international tourists/travelers/volunteers to a people, place and way of life that takes little for granted. It was an incredibly refreshing experience after coming from the wasteful and disconnected society here at home.
Then I returned to Canada and had to stay. I stopped reading with the ferocity that I once had. I took a step back from activist communities because I was exhausted - mentally, spiritually, and physically worn out. It felt like everything was for naught. The world is a messed up place and trying to change it felt fruitless.
I remember my first job back here because it seemed so meaningless and ineffective. I'm not someone who cries easily, but that job made me weep at the apathy that surrounded me. LWH spoiled me with active world citizens, people who gave a shit and took action to make a difference. Back here, I started to find the anger that I had been so happy to live without. So, I removed myself for fear that it would consume me. I stopped learning. I lost my passion, my energy and so much of what makes me, well, me.
I remember my first job back here because it seemed so meaningless and ineffective. I'm not someone who cries easily, but that job made me weep at the apathy that surrounded me. LWH spoiled me with active world citizens, people who gave a shit and took action to make a difference. Back here, I started to find the anger that I had been so happy to live without. So, I removed myself for fear that it would consume me. I stopped learning. I lost my passion, my energy and so much of what makes me, well, me.
I am slowly finding myself again. I am reading a little more. I am trying to not be irritated and angry because those are not the antonyms of apathy or complacency. I feel more productive and effective. My spirit is steadily being restored. I was once told that repatriation takes two years, so I'm only at the half way mark. The past two to three months have been, by far, the best of the last twelve. I feel happy and full of anticipation of what life holds for the first time in a long time.
Special Note: Thanks to all my family and friends (near and far) who've put up with me for the last year. I know I have not been the most pleasant person to be around, talk to, or get emails from. I am profoundly grateful for everyone that accepts me during the most difficult parts of life. Without you, I don't know what I'd do or where I would be.
Special Note: Thanks to all my family and friends (near and far) who've put up with me for the last year. I know I have not been the most pleasant person to be around, talk to, or get emails from. I am profoundly grateful for everyone that accepts me during the most difficult parts of life. Without you, I don't know what I'd do or where I would be.
