Retrospective...I can be bitter, or I can be better

Having kept a journal for the better part of my life, occasionally I stumble across some of my old thoughts that still resonate. The following words were dated March 26, 2006.

I can be bitter, or I can be better

Day to day
Week to week
I shuffle through life
With no sense of direction

Little do I understand
The laws of life
No matter what I do
Nothing seems significant

How I long for permanent pride
Something to better the world
If I am patient
Eventually it will be real

My untapped potential will be exploited
But until that day I will wander lost
Trying not to stray
Too far from my path

I don't know what it is lately, but I've been thinking a lot about revolution and my part in it. I feel (know) that there is a revolution brewing, and that I have an important role in it. I won't be a leader nor have a glamourous part to play, but it will be significant in some small way.

I can't explain the urgency that I feel, or how I am suppose to arrive in my role, and when I'll know that I've found it. I suppose I'll figure it out when I get there.

This intense feeling could be explained away by my feeling of being lost within my life and in the world. But, I know I'm not the only one. We are many. So, it can't be an irrational thought, I hope.

We rarely got to work with a personal purpose. We go for corporate or societal incentive - a bonus, a mortgage, a paycheque. Many of us run like machines, jealous of those who have broken their chains generations ago. We have created so much work, yet don't have the means to accomplish it. We take shortcuts that fail ourselves, the planet and each other to only create more work for ourselves. We sacrifice time with our loved ones in the hopes of putting a dent in our never ending list of tasks. We have put a number, price and value on everything except the time needed for ourselves and what actually makes us happy. There should be little difference between work and what gives you purpose in life.

I know I'm not the first, the only nor the last to think along these lines. And that, I think, is partly why I believe a revolution is imminent. We need to rediscover our humanity. To find a connection with each other, ourselves and nature. I've never felt this sure about anything before. I don't know when, or how but I think I'm figuring out the why.

I hope to have the resolve to constantly desire for better, and never stall at being bitter.

*This was written during a year off from university. I needed to reevaluate my choice of major, direction to take my life, save some money and put a dent in my student loans. I was working as an administrative assistant at an industrial painting company, and at various temporary manufacturing jobs.